I Hate Them Right?
by e5r9i9k2a1
Summary: Ken argues with himself over how everyone seemed to steal his big brother away from him and if he really brought it all on himself.


I _Hate_ Them.

They took Osamu away from me. 

I know it wasn't truly their fault… but I still can't help but _hate_ them.

They were always swarming around him…

Wanting his autograph or an interview…

Or for him to make some guest appearance on their show or at their house or party.

Or for him to tutor them or their kid…

They just wanted the glory of knowing him even for just a few minutes.

Just for themselves.

They only cared about themselves.

They probably still only care about themselves.

They didn't care about how I felt about it. 

Of _course _they didn't.

Why would they?

Just because I wasn't a genius, wasn't as popular as he was… 

Even my own parents didn't give a second thought about my feelings or me.

Sometimes I wonder if they even didn't think I had any.

I sometimes wonder when I'm in a particularly bad mood if they were really sorry, 

or if they were just sorry that their fame ran away.

No, I think they really were sorry.

But what about everyone else?

The reporters, the gossips, and everyone else _want_ to be that way…

Don't they?

I wonder if they do.

I guess it's _possible _that they don't.

But they still stole Osamu onii-san away from me.

Didn't they?

Or did I drive him away? 

I guess… if I had been a better brother… he might've been with me more.

I'm sorry big brother.

But they were at least a contributing factor… weren't they?

Technically, if they weren't there almost every day, he would've had more time for me. 

Right?

Would he have hated me, even if they weren't there?

Did he hate me?

He was always in a bad mood and was cold to me, but did that mean that he hated me?

If he did I guess I really shouldn't blame him.

I was a fool.

I didn't even _try_ to consider how he felt, or how stressful it must've been for him.

Did I even care?

I should've cared.

I should've been a better brother and friend.

I failed as both.

All I could think of was myself.

I'm so sorry onii-san.

Please, please forgive me.

Was I always that selfish?

In the beginning I didn't really have any reason to be.

I'm not still like that… right?

I'm so sorry if I am.

I don't mean it.

I'm not like that by nature am I?

I was for so long.

First to big brother, then to everyone I know.

Without even thinking about how they feel.

I don't want to be like that, but if I'm like that by nature… can I really do anything about it?

I just want it all to end.

Right?

I _hate_ them.

Right?

I _thought_ I hated Osamu, and I _thought_ I hated Wormmon…

But really I love them both so much.

I certainly don't love everyone who helped to steal Osamu away from me…

Right?

Do I really _hate _them or am I just angry at them?

I was just angry when I wished that big brother would die…

Right?

I didn't really want him to die.

Really I didn't.

I'm not that cruel anymore… am I?

I just want it all to go away.

I wonder if I dare to say that.

I probably just jinxed it didn't I?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to.

I know that they're not really evil or anything like that...

But they still stole Onii-san away from me.

Did he still love me even though I was so hateful?

Did he mean to be in a bad mood all the time?

Did he mean to be cold to me?

Did I even care?

Did I even think about that?

No.

Of course I didn't.

I'm so sorry Big Brother.

Is it all my fault, or is it theirs too?

It's mine isn't it?

I still _hate _them.

Or at least resent them a great deal.

I wish I could know for sure if you love me big brother.

I love you so much.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

But I guess chanting won't get me anywhere will it?

I'm so sorry but,

Do I really deserve this?

Did I really start it?

Or was it all planned out from the start?

Is there really anything, anything I could've done to prevent your death?

Or at least to be a better brother and friend?

I know I could've been a much better brother and friend.

But I wasn't.

I'm so sorry big brother.

I love you so much.


End file.
